Putting back the pieces

For months and months, I've been lost and angry with myself. I'm not goin to lie 2009 has been the hardest year, many things can change in just one year. I've learned so many things around me and most of all I've learned a lot of things about myself. Even though I got my heart torn, felt like dying, the pain that almost cause my heart to completely shatter. I've been more mature and Im more stronger than I was before. I know I have said I hate life many times before, but without those pain and suffering I wouldn't know as many things today. I think I'm getting better everyday and nothings going to stop me. From today, I'm going to make things better for myself, my education, my boyfiend, and most of all my family. I'm going to live life to the fullest and I promise you I'm going to succeed:)

Two new poems=O well not really just didn't post it lol until now

Scarred


Every song that keeps reminding me of the past, still feels like it happened yesterday.

I don’t want to think about it, but tears start to run down my face.

It’s been months, and I have to time to forget.

Somehow after all those months, my heart still felt like its breaking.

I’m trying to be the same person that you used to know,

but I don’t think I have anything more to prove to you.

My feelings for you used to be so strong.

It still strong, but I don’t think it’ll ever be enough.

My heart almost closed and didn’t want to let you back in.

Then you came along, and you finally realized that you wanted to be with me.

After all the things we been through and worked for, you wanted to be in my heart again when you have all those months to think it through.

You were confused if you wanted to still be with me; when you knew you were already my choice.

You left me hanging by thread; I didn’t want to let go, but it’s what keeps my heart aching every night.

I don’t know if I’ll ever forget what happen, you changed me how I feel about you now.
I can’t forget, its still hurting. I just wish it didn’t happen, but I can’t so I guess I have to live with it.




Standing in the Rain



Standing in the rain and it’s cold outside, but I think I’m going to stay here for awhile.

My soul is flying into the sky; finding the person who stole my heart, so he can hold me tight.

I start to feel my body shiver, with all the raindrops start to numb my fingers.

It’s weird how I’m not feeling cold at all, but all I can feel is you’re heart beating close.

It makes me feel warm inside, like nothing I ever felt before.

As I turn around I saw you pulling close to me and trying to protect me from everything.

Where standing in the pouring rain; pressing my face against your chest, I don’t want this to end.

Trying to find the right beat to play inside my head so we can start dancing together.

I used to think that there’s no such thing as perfection, but I would have to say that you’re the closest perfection that ever came into my life.

With all the mistakes, endless fighting we have been through.

I still try to make a place for you in my heart.

Even if I cried so many times, and wanting to go away.

I still want to stay with you, and my love for you would still be stronger than before.



Standing in the rain; where still holding into each other and trying to imagine that it’s only the two of us in the world

I'll have it all (a new lyric) =)

I’ll have it all


I guess this is not my time, it never is.
Somewhere in this room there’s probably a tiny light.
Sadly I can’t see any of it at all.
It’s hard to move, nothings really changing.
Maybe it’s just me; maybe everything is changing without me realizing it.

I’ll count every breath I take; I’ll count every blink I blink.
I can’t count how much hope I have left.
My knees is weak, can’t move so I’ll just stay here.
Chorus
I’m getting used to staying in this room.
I used to feel so many things, but now I can’t feel anything.
I think I should just give up of knowing what I want.
Right now, I just really don’t know.
Maybe I’ll have it all later on, but not at this moment.

It’s pathetic how I’m still in this old place.
Why am I doing? I need to move;
Maybe moving a little bit would still be good.
Oh no! I’m getting claustrophobic, I need more space.

I’ll count every breath I take; I’ll count every blink I blink.
Sadly I can’t count how much hope I have left.
My knees is weak, can’t move so I’ll just stay here.
(Repeat Chorus)


I don’t want to stay in this room.
I hate being so empty, I want to feel something.
I have to keep going, no more falling.
I can’t have it all, if I’m still here.
It’s hard to get up, but I have to try at least.

My hero, My love=)

I love you more than anything, or I don't even know what that means because I love you so much that I'll literally will do anything for you. I'm falling for you all over again, you are everything I want need. I don't need or want anybody else, because I already have you. You don't know how much you make me happy, and how much I would love to be with you everyday. I miss you, even if we just saw each other couple of hours ago. Your the reason why I try to make things better for myself and everything else. You make me want to be a better person, or have ambitious. I hope you know that I love you, and I always have. I fall for you everyday, I'm so thankful to have you. I'm sorry for being a bitch, and an asshole before. Even if it's not perfect between us, or we don't have our best days. It wont make me love you any less, because I know will work it out.=) I love you babie=3

lyrics just finished it=)

I may not have it all, but at least I have enough.

My clothes might not much all the time,
My hair is a mess can’t fix it right.
I put my hair in a ponytail, but it doesn’t look cool.
I decided to put it down, but I’ll leave it down for now.
I need to make my up my mind.
I’m changing it every second.

I may not be the prettiest, and I’m not that kind.
I can be a pain, and I might make you pull all your hair out.
Just be patient with me here, I’ll get it right somehow.
Give me a chance to make it right.

Chorus
I tripped, I fall down.
It’s weird how I don’t really get embarrassed that much.
I laugh at myself, into nothing, or out of nowhere.
I can’t believe I’m actually having fun.
I may say things you don’t get, or it hasn’t been invented yet.
Hey baby, I can’t change that, I can’t change it for you.
I may not have it all, but at least I have enough.

I don’t have cash, so I have to ask.
I’m still looking for a job; I guess it hasn’t found me yet.
I almost fail every single task.
I keep trying; I’m not giving up anything.
(Repeat Chorus)

Hey baby I can’t change anything for you so you can be happy.
I’m changing nothing for you, so just accept the way I am.
I may not have it all, but at least I have enough.

I wish I can live in this place, it looks so peaceful and full of happiness. It's so breath taking, I wish I can just stay in that place. It looks so safe, and free=) URGH lol.

Realizations

Don’t you ever ask yourself why are you living? Why are you here in the first place? I know it sounds all sad and all. I really think there’s a reason for those questions, sometimes we have to keep answering and answering. We always have to ask ourselves why do I still keep going, when there’s nothing happening or no changes. When you thought you already knew the answer to the question, there’s going to be another question after the answer. Confusing right? Well sometimes I think those questions are our guide to success in life. A lot of us get’s curious with everything, so we take chances of that curiosity. If it’s bad, you learn how to hopefully not do it again. Then when it’s good, you learn to appreciate everything. There’s a reason why were living, and why were here. I think we are given a mission to hopefully accomplish them. Sadly, some of people give up on those mission and never really taken the chance to finish the mission. In my belief, I think we have to go through bad, crappy times first before we go through the good times. Good memories or times are an award so will have a habit to keep doing the good all the time.

Emptyness and its not a song

It’s funny how a lot of things change in just a year. It may seems so slow in that time, but looking back everything comes to you in a blink of an eye.
I miss my old self, I hate who I become. It’s so easy to take everything for granted and looking back; I kind of want to fix it. Sadly it’s kind of too late for me; I’m just looking forward for the future right now. At the same time, I’m having fun and making things awesome right now. I used to be talkative, and I laugh at everything. Now all you hear from me is dead silent, and the awkwardness. I used to be the girl where a lot of people say hi too, now I’m just a girl who looks like I don’t know anybody anymore. I really don’t know if I’m happy, or excited. All I’m feeling now is being sad, anger, or irritated. I HATE it! Why am I like this? I can’t feel anymore emotions; all I’m feeling is anger, or sadness. I’m being so emo, seriously I don’t need to complain. Somehow I have to; I just don’t know what to do. I thought I used to know a lot of things before, I don’t even know anything when I think about it. I don’t know if I care anyone, or love. I don’t know what I want to do; I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I just feel so empty and I hate it. Even if I try to think positive, somehow there’s still something I need to get out of my system. Although, writing songs has been really helpful and I guess I’ve been pretending to be happy. I don’t really want anybody to know what I’m feeling; sometimes I have to at least let somebody know.
Maybe I’m just going to a “phase”, Isn’t that what people calls it now a days? I really don’t know, my mind is blank and I don’t what I’m thinking.



I admit summer changed me completely. It was only 3 months and it either changes you different in a good way or bad. I think it changed me in a bad way. I hate how people keeps saying to forget the past, well guess what?! I just can’t forget it. There are those things that need a time to change. Sadly this one is not going to go by that fast. I cried all that summer, that’s what all I did. I cry, cry and cry my tears out. After all those summer, I feel so empty and all I can feel is being sad, mad, or anything that’s bad. I HATE THIS. Yea! The things I used to say, I’m not going to care what people thinks of me. GUESS WHAT?!? I care about it now, and I don’t want to care. I care about what I look like, and all the things I said I’m not going to do. It happened, and it sucks so much.

Last Summer new lyrics lol

Last summer

Chorus
Last summer I admit it could have been better.
I know it was last month and
We have to forget it.
We cried too many times and stayed up to late every night.

It was only 3 months and
We had changed a lot.
We almost got close together
Then suddenly we got distance.

We had to start over
Try to work this awkward phase again.
We were quiet and,
I’m trying to be comfortable with you again.
(Repeat Chorus)

I almost lost you, thought it was over.
I almost left you alone,
Because thinking that you don’t need me anymore.
(Repeat Chorus)

I almost lost you, I still can’t forget.
I almost leave you; it was too hard for me to move on.
In my heart, I still wanted to give you one more chance.

Nervous Wreck. I wrote about how I did anchoring in Broadcast

Nervous Wreck

Oh! I sit in this chair, looking at the camera.
I’m so scared,
I keep worrying what I look like.
Ew my hair’s a mess,
Lala why do I keep making weird faces?

Chorus
I can’t keep still, my throat is so dry.
I can’t speak, my legs keep moving.
Is it hot in here? Or is it just me?
I’m a nervous wreck!

All I had to do is read the prompter.
Somehow people think I look depressed.
I need more energy in the set.
I don’t want to look like I’m bored out of my head.
(Repeat Chorus)

So I got off the set
I felt sad at first.
Its ok I need to
Be more confident, or if I’ll ever do it again.
So I hope I’ll be better.

My random song I wrote today

Blah Blah

My mind is always out there.
You may think I’m listening.
I’m really thinking of something else.

My head is bobbing, can’t hardly
Keep my eyes open.
Now I’m sleeping, forgetting that
I’m still in this old place.

Chorus
I’m dreaming about anything.
Oh! I’m getting chase by the wolverine,
Then I’m eating this awesome meal.
SpongeBob is now my best friend,
And now I’m living under the sea.
Oh! I woke up, someone’s tapping me.
They ask me what were talking about,
I forget so just said blah (repeat blah 2 xs).

I have to wake up, I should have slept early.
Can’t even think,
I don’t even know what’s happening.
I want to go back in my dreams.
I want to see what happens
Next.

and another new lyricss hehe

Falling so deeply

It still feels like I’m falling for you again.
Just like when I tried to say I love you, I was so nervous
I didn’t know what to say.

Hey it was so worth it.
I still feel a little dizzy.
When I’m all around you baby.
My life is doing great, whenever you’re here with me.

Chorus
Oh I can’t believe its been awhile
My heart is still beating and I can’t stop.
I have loved you for awhile… I’m still falling so deeply.
I’m still falling so deeply.

Lately you have been on my mind for so long now.
Oh! You’re always almost on my mind, so what am I saying?
My mouth is been hurting, maybe I keep smiling.
I can’t help not being around you, I always want you by my side.

Oh I can’t believe it has been awhile.
My heart is still beating and I can’t stop.
I have always love you baby, and I’m still falling so deeply.
I’m still falling so deeply.

new lyrics again=)

No reflection

I break and I break my heart to get all this anger out of me.
Look at me, my make up is all over my face.
All my stuff is all over the place.
I jump and jump to see if I can fly;
I hate this gravity because it keeps making me stay down.

Hey who’s the girl in the mirror?
I can’t see her; I just see is my messy room.
What’s your name? I may know it or maybe not.
I touch the mirror, but I can’t see my hands.
I cried all I can see is my tear dropping down.

Chorus
No reflection of me! Where am I?
I can’t even see the way I am inside.
If you just give me the chance to show you who I really am.
Hey baby, you just passed me.
I can’t catch up to you, you move so fast.
So I’m going to stay here.
Oh and baby you didn’t notice me yeah.

You just passed by me, tried to tap on your shoulder
But you move so quickly.
I have to hurry back home because people aren’t patient.
Oh no. I don’t really know if I have home,
I just don’t know where I belong.
(repeat chorus)

like this song a lot

Enjoy the ride and make sure you got your seat belt on.



I can’t stand standing in the same spot for hours.

I can see outside and it’s beauty,

But all I can see is only its appearance, nothing else.



It’s full of stealers, liars, and cheaters.

It tricks you; it makes you believe that none of them exist.

You might get fooled by its beauty,

But you really don’t know what’s in it.

Chorus

Tie your shoelace really tight, so you won’t fall.

Keep your eyes open, and watch out for the things that will trap you.

Nothing’s easy, nothing’s easy

But baby enjoy the ride and make sure you got your seat belt on.



Who knows when this place will disappear?

I can’t predict, I’m not psychic but I’ll try to make worth my time.

Let’s keep going, don’t let anyone stop us.



It’s full of stealers, liars, and cheaters.

It tricks you; it makes you believe that none of them exist.

You might get fooled by its beauty,

But you really don’t know what’s in it.

(Repeat chorus)



I won’t deny this ride is pretty crazy.

All this turns and bumps in the road is making me fall.

Baby, enjoy the ride and make sure you got your seat belt on.

(repeat)

new song finally

Look how far



Oh my heart’s beating so fast, with you always on my mind.

I put my hand over my face so you won’t see me smile.

I look at you, you look at me; why am I so nervous what I want to say to you.

Baby, I don’t care where we are as long as your with me to stay.



I can’t close my eyes, because your really here with me.

It may not be as perfect as we want it too,

But it’s what makes me keep getting close to you.

Chorus

Oh (repeat 3x’s) If your ever gone,

I’ll loose myself and what you made me become.

Look How far we made it;

I don’t want to loose you not now or ever.

Let’s keep going, until this road ends.

Whatever the circumstances,

I’ll still love you the same.

Oh. So look how far (repeat 2x’s)

We made it.



I’ll hold you tight, but not too tight.

Will fight, will cry, and will get mad

But I would still love to talk to you

After this are all done?

(Repeat Chorus)



If you’re ever gone,

We’ll loose ourselves and waste everything we used to have.

Look how far we made it, were almost half way there.

I’m getting close to you than ever.

Let’s keep going and believe will make it.

Look how far we made it….

Blank new lyrics wrote it today lol

Blank

I’m standing here, just waiting for you to say something.
You hear me talking; pretending your listening,
But your mind is thinking of something else.
You’re looking at me, but I really
Don’t know if were in the same page here.

Hey do you understand what were talking about?
Are you in your own little world and
Don’t care what’s going on around you?
I know It’s hard to listen because so many distractions,
But your not letting me know so I’m here standing,
Holding all my frustrations.

Chorus
When you talk, I try to listen.
When you’re crying, I try to understand and be the comfort.
When you want to let your anger out, I try not to jump into conclusion.
Will you also do that for me because I also need your help too?
No you don’t, you just pretend that you care and understand.
Don’t always make me thing I’m right, I also need what mistakes I’ve done.
You keep leaving me out here blank, oh. I don’t know what to do; I’m just blank.

When I have problems; I always try to go to you.
I taught you always know what to do; maybe you know too much.
You keep getting angry, when you haven’t even heard my side.
I taught I can look up to you, but all I’ve been doing is trying to get rid of these bad habits.

Hey do you understand what were talking about?
Are you in your own little world and
Don’t care what’s going on around you?
I know it’s hard to listen because so many distractions,
But your not letting me know so I’m here standing,
Holding all my frustrations.
(Repeat Chorus)

Don’t keep saying that I’m right, tell me that I’m sometimes wrong also.
No, you just keep leaving me out here blank, oh I don’t know what to do; I’m just blank.

In these shoes( another new lyrics)

In these shoes

I move my hair away from my face, and tried to feel the breeze.
I just wish I were in a place where no one can judge your face.
I have to realize, and accept that this is real.
I’ll probably hit a few bumps in the road, but it’s my choice to get back up again.

Just watch me make it out of this messy place.
I know I’m going to get out of here someday.
Keep doubting me, Keep judging me but I bet I’m going to be the opposite of what you think I’ll be.
Chorus
In these shoes I’m still going to keep going.
You can’t stop me; your negative words will be useless.
I may break down, but I wont fall apart.
You may see me cry; once or twice, but you wont see me give up.
Help me open your eyes, because you’ll see me where I want to be.

This shoe is starting to fall apart, but Trust me; I’m going to make it.
Trip me down, try to make me fall and pretend that it wasn’t your fault.
Keep giving me those dirty looks, and keep trying to find my weaker side.
(Repeat Chorus)
(Repeat Verse 1 and bridge)

Alone<--- NEW song lolxD that I just finished today.

Alone

Can’t blame you if you had to walk away.
I constantly make mistakes everyday.
I don’t really know if I’m trying,
But I know I’m doing something.
I used to have everything plan out.
Now I always have to put it a side.

It’s hard to make you see who I really am.
Every night I always have to keep asking what I need to do.
It seems like everything I do isn’t enough.
All I need is a little encouragement, and belief.
It’ll help me get out of this mess I’m at.

Chorus
I have to do this on my own, like I always do.
When I’m in the edge, almost falling.
I have to help myself, get back up
Because no one will be they’re catching.
I’m just alone in here; no one will ever wipe my tears.
I wish it were pouring rain, so no one will notice me.
I’m still alone, I need to keep going and finally prove you all wrong.

You don’t know when this road ends;
We always have to do what scares us the most.
That’s when we find who we are, and what’s out there.
People who tells you there are easy way out;
It’ll all be lies.
(Repeat Chorus)

It’s hard to make you see who I really am.
Every night I always have to keep asking what I have to do.
It seems like everything I do will never be enough.
So all I can do is just try to do my best.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t have any encouragement or your belief.
I know I’m going to get out of this mess someday.

Addiction(wrote it a long time ago)

Addiction

Sometimes I feel trap inside
That it’s hard for me to get out.
I show so many symptoms that
People start to worry.

It’s so addicting, people tells me it’s not worth it.
I want some more, but everyone around me has to suffer.
I just want to loose it.

Chorus
It makes me want to scream
I just want to loose my mind.
That it’s getting deep inside of me.
I don’t want myself to go,
Changing is so hard for me to show.
This addiction is so hard to control
I want to see a happy ending.

Years and years of getting help,
I’m still not showing any better signs.
Please help; I want to live a happy life.
(Repeat bridge)
(Repeat chorus)

song I wrote yesterday but didn't post it up till now

Getting better (dedicated to Patrick=)

I’m sorry if I’m making you think that your not changing, the truth is
I always see a progress.
I thought you were the same like those other guys, but then I realized
You were actually trying and you still are.
I know I got hurt really bad because thinking I was replaced, but you
Were too.
It was the mistake you did that made it different,
But I realized that you were lost and trying to find your way back.
I’ll forget the bad things that happened this summer; because it was the past.
Now lets continue were we left off and start a new page.
Bridge
We both screwed up, and we maybe different now.
I know will get out of this awkward phase, and
Will look back hopefully we can laugh it out.
It’s different, and not knowing what to do.
Trust me when I say will get through this and will love each other stronger than before.
Chorus
I still love you so much; I don’t want to let go.
It may sounds so cheesy when I say you’re the one I’ve been looking for.
I find myself calling you all the time, just wanting to know if you’re ok.
Hold my hands; hold me tight let’s take this crazy ride.
Believe in me will make it out all right.
I’ll take my chance of kissing you again, because
I know were both getting better.

Put me in a room full of guys who has nice abs and hair.
Trust me when I say I’ll be looking for you and wondering where you are.
Looks don’t matter to me at all, because I’m still going to find you amazing.
I’m sorry if I haven’t shown you any appreciations, and affection.
Truth is I got caught up in the past, but now I’m going to leave all that behind.
(Repeat bridge and Chorus)

new lyrics hehe

Stealing my boyfriend

Your looking at me hoping I wouldn’t see, you staring at my boyfriend.
I know you just don’t want be his friend, your hoping it would be more.
You don’t even think whom your going to hurt, but its ok, you’ll do anything until you finally got him.

You see us being in love, holding into each other’s hands.
Wishing you were the girl he would hold.
You make a plan, hoping it would work out.
Even when you know, it’s messed up.
You don’t care because your getting what you want.

Chorus
I want to see you try stealing my boyfriend,
But I promise you it’s going to hurt at the end.
Try dressing up showing so much skin, hoping he’ll notice.
Keep calling him every night, try to change his mine of being with you instead.
I’m not worried at all; if he really loves me he’ll ignore you.
If he wants to get with you, I’ll have to walk away.
He won’t be worth my tear; it’ll hurt but it won’t break me apart.
You may have him, but you still lost.
So try stealing my boyfriend.

You just can’t stop; you really want to get with him really bad.
You may get him or not, but trust me it wont be worth it.
Try to like someone who would like you back.
(Repeat chorus)

I want to see you try to take everything from me,
All your going to get is full of regrets.
Maybe you won’t care about it now, because
Your going to get what you want.

Dear Derek ( I wrote this song for my cousins real cousins)

Dear Derek

You wear your band t-shirts, and skinny jeans; that makes you look cool.
Hair’s so long that it’ll eventually touch the floor,
Just trying to find out what’s there in the world.
You got your new tattoo, trying to show it off.
You probably want to let everyone know your ok on your own.

What has gotten to you? Now alcohol and drugs is what you just need.
I don’t know what happen to you; maybe I want to help.
I know I just met you last year; you always talk about wanting to get high.
I guess you getting in trouble all the time makes you unstoppable.

Dear Derek I have a lot of things to say to you.
Instead of me writing a letter, I’ll express my words and turn it into a song.
I feel that you have a good heart, and you would love to make your family proud.
Right now, your lost maybe you want to fit in the crowd.
Your walking to a path where you only see is negative things.
Dear Derek I used to be insecure, so I did stuff that I wouldn’t normally do.
Somehow I had to realized a lot of things that there’s so much better things, than trying to fit in.

I know you’ll find ways to make your life better,
Don’t be a follower; try to be different.
Drugs and alcohol, will only lead you somewhere you don’t want to be.
Instead of people wanting to help, they’ll slowly disappear.
Try to cry, express your anger, scream to get rid of the pain your feeling inside.
Talk to someone, like me because I’ll always be here.
I want to help you; I really see you being happy

Dear Derek, start thinking of what you want to do.
I know you have goals you would love to accomplish.
If you try, I know you’ll make your dreams come true.
Focus on getting good grades, and start thinking what’s really important.
Dear Derek I see you being a great person, but you just don’t see it yet.
I know your going to get better, if you try.
I wont compare you to someone who has everything, because
You’ll have everything too if you just believe in yourself.

controlling

wrote another song, I had to-.- I don't want to complain how my life sucks balls its just sucks a lot.
anywys hopefully you guys like it; oh most of my songs are all true, so the songs is basically talking about my life. ha!!

bleh oh well it doesn't rhyme, but I really like it and hopefully you do too. =p
the words maybe be weird becuz I worked on it just today, when I got home from the adventure dome

Controlling

Am I making you proud, how am I doing with myself?
Is there anything good in me? Not even a little?
When I tell you what I want to accomplish,
All I hear is discourage.
I know you guys experienced so many things in the past,
At the same time you guys need to understand I’m still learning.

You guys wont let me experience things on my own,
You guys wont let me realize who I want to become.
You said you know what I have to say or think?
Do you guys know that, you’re pushing me away and I’m really suffering?

Bridge
Tell me what music I should listen to,
Tell me what kind of style that would fit me.
Tell me what kind of people I should talk too,
Tell me that I’m going to get pregnant and never finish school.
Compare me to a person who has everything; good grades and someone who will always follow your rules.
Chorus
Do you guys ever think what I want and what makes me happy?
The life I’m living isn’t mine; it’s yours.
15 yrs to almost 16, I still haven’t made you proud.
I’ve been trying my hardest, but it’s always about you guys controlling.

You guys don’t know who I am; you’re the one who makes decisions for me.
Keep telling me I don’t know anything, and will never make it.
You guys have never believed in me, no support.
There were never you guys; I was always alone.
I tried to speak up for myself, but respect from you guys will always be less.
(Repeat bridge)
(Repeat chorus)
When can I be enough, how long will it take for you to see that I tried.
It’s so hard to be honest with you guys; I always have to lie.
It’s no excuse; I swear that I’ve always been honest with you guys, till now.
Hey I’m focusing on school more, I have great ambitious that I wish you could hear.
Please see I’m trying because, right now I’m becoming more distance.

Notice me

Notice me (request by bree)

It’s been days that you haven’t text me back.
I’ve been staying in one place just waiting for you.
I close my eyes wishing you can finally
See the real me, not what’s outside this skin.

My dream is so much better than reality.
It was you looking at me, and holding my hands were it belongs.
My tears started to fall because I know it will only be in my dreams.
If I can’t be with you, then I want to be alone.

Chorus
Oh you can’t see how much I really want to be with you.
You can’t see me trying to get to you; I’m just invisible.
You don’t give me a chance wanting to love you very much.
All you see is my appearance not my personality.
I’m going to walk away; I’m going to forget you.
You won’t try, you will never see if you still haven’t noticed me.

Look how much you broke me; I’m still trying to find my way to you.
I’ve been trying to want you to want me, but you still haven’t got a clue.
I hate myself for trying when there’s not even a little progress.
It hurts even more that I have to accept you not wanting to see how much you mean to me.
(Repeat chorus)
I have to get up; I have to breathe without you.
I need to walk away; there was never; you and I.
From this point on, I need to protect myself
From you tearing me apart.

You don’t give me a chance wanting to love you very much.
All you see is my appearance not my personality.
I’m going to walk away; I’m going to forget you.
You won’t try, you will never see if you still haven’t noticed me.

It’s been days you haven’t text me back,
I’m going outside that door; I’m no longer waiting for you.
I open my eyes and finally realized that I’m better off without you
(Repeat)

Mask hehe another new song=)

Mask

You can only see my eyes, but you can’t see who I really am.
I’ve been trying to pretend to be somebody else, but then I realize I was the one who was fooled with myself.
If I just hide maybe all the things I’m running from will go away.
I’m getting weaker, this situations getting harder.
I can’t run anymore, I need to stop. I’m getting tired.

Chorus
I’m so far from everyone; I need to find my way back.
Tell me what I need to hear; I’m tired of hearing what I want
Because I know it’ll be a lie.
I’m tired of hiding behind this mask; it’s not really me.
It’s a disguised trying to hide from everyone.
Why am I scared to show what I’m about?
I know I can do better, than trying to hide
Behind this mask and wasting my time.

You can’t hear what I need to say, because I’m scared if your going to judged.
I’ll follow what you’re going to do or say;
As long I’m not the only one who thinks its right.
I’ll let go whatever I was going to do, so I can blend in like everyone.
Maybe this is where I belong, or I’m just trying to find my place.
(Repeat chorus)

I’ll tare this skin that doesn’t belong to me,
I’m going to open my eyes so I can see clear.
I’ll make my heart stronger, and being happy is what you’re going to finally see.
Forget trying to fit in, forget wanting to blend in because I want to be different.
I don’t want to be the one who’s going to follow, I want and going to be an
Inspirational.
(Repeat 2x)

I’m tired of hiding behind this mask, its not really who I am.
It’s an ugly disguise trying to hide from everyone.
Why am I scared to show what I’m about?
I know I can do better, than trying to hide behind this mask and wasting my time.

Insecurity(new song) Worked on this for 2hours=p

Insecurity

This dress makes me look fat; my body is not skinny enough.
I’m going to go on this crazy diet, so I can look like those beautiful models.
I’m seeing these magazines, this people in the picture.
They have everything; looks and money.

Why can I just be like them for a day, I want to know how it feels
Like to know my face everywhere.
I’m going to do something that I have never done before.
I know it may be bad, but it’ll get people to notice.
It may not be as big like those celebrities, but I’ll have the attention that I need.

Chorus
Don’t call me paranoid; I want to be the best.
Stop saying that I’m only cute, I want to be beautiful.
Don’t tell me I have to eat; I want to be skinnier.
Good is not good enough, being perfect is where I want to be.
(Instrument)
OH no. oh no. oh no. What am I doing? What am I saying?
Snap out of it, this insecurity is eating me alive.
I’m loosing myself, please don’t walk away this insecurity is eating me alive.
I’m trying to get out, break me out; this insecurity is breaking me apart.

I’m tired of having to cry everyday. I see those girls with there perfect hair, and face.
I’m always having a bad day; I wish I could disappear.
I try taking picture of myself; I’m scared to look because I know I’m going to erase it.
(Repeat chorus)

Oh! I want to rip this pain I have
I want to be strong, and have confidence.
I want to be comfortable with my own skin;
I don’t want to do something to have people notice me.
(Repeat 2x)

Please say I’m the best because I try to be.
I know I’m not the prettiest but I am beautiful in my own way.
I don’t want to starve myself so I can get the perfect body.
I can’t be perfect, but I’ll show you I can be the best.

Dear boy=p new song hehe

Dear Boy
Chorus
Dear Boy can you tell me what’s going on between us. I’ve been feeling really weird, and it won’t go away. Do you feel it too? Like you can’t get me off your mind? I have to admit, that I smile whenever you’re by my side.

Oh…repeat 3 xs I feel so alive, I don’t think I can’t take it but you help me make it.
Verse
You’ve loved me then since our first day kiss. I’m going to remember that because that’s the first time I felt something real.
I still feel a spark, I cover my face because I don't want you to see me smile.
I'm so embarrassed, you might see me blush.
(Repeat chorus)

I try closing my eyes, while your holding me.
I'm hoping you wont let go, you know I'm getting closer to you than ever.
I still don't know if your the one, but I really want you to stay.
(Repeat chorus)

Pain(hella old poem or songs=p)

Pain
It’s another day, my mouth is shut nothing to say.
It’s always the same, wishing I have a different face.
I’m still here in this place, please someone help me.
I want to get rid of this pain.
I’m walking in this road all by myself.
Don’t waste time for me because in the end
All you’re going to have is another empty shelf.
My hearts been cold for a very long time now,
You’ll feel like your deaf because you’re not going to hear a sound.
All I can see is darkness, and can’t feel anything anymore.
It got worst than before.
I miss those days, when it’s always happy and fun.
Now it’s hard for you to hear me laugh.
Nothing to feel, just pain and it’s leading me to nowhere.
I don’t know where I’m headed, but I wish to be better.
Everyone’s going to get tired of me, and one by one they’ll all be faded.
I want to make things better, but there’s always something has to stop me.
I don’t want to dream, because I don’t even know my destiny.
Wishes don’t even happen, it’s just another philosophy.
I don’t want to believe in fairy tales, because I know it’ll all be lies.
Hopeless, careless I can’t find myself.
I’m getting weaker, too much tears to shed.
This is to stressful, please give me a break.
All I can feel is anger, and sadness.
All I want to do is scream and say to give me a rest.
I’m asking is for forgiveness, to forget the mistakes.
I want to forget the past, because I want to last.
My eyes hurt because I don’t want to cry,
It’s going to get old and eventually nothing left to say, but goodbye.
I want to be happy and confident.
I know I have to try to stand up and take advantage of my present.
If I don’t, I’ll always feel pain and it’s going to eventually turn into vain.

After highschool goal

Move to reno or san diego california
Go to college in reno or san diego
Go to japan for the summer
Take lots of lots of pictures
Buy a better laptop
Collect the sims,braceletts,Movies(dvd),books
FINALLY play the sims 3
Have at least 1 or 2 roomates
BE ORGANIZED
FOCUS on my studies
Major in Psychology
Go to a party
Save LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY

to be continuedd

Junior Goals

FOCUS ON MY SCHOOL and the important things
BE CONFIDENT
BE HAPPY and be positive=3
STAY AWAY FROM THE DRAMA
PASS the proficiency, driving,and sat test.
FIND a job
SAVE a lot of money
GET a car
no MISSING assignments, or no F's and D's
Meet new friends, and have gain close TRUE friends
Go to a lot of places
K.I.T with close friends
Go to every dances
dye my hair jet black
Buy my family christmas presents
Buy my family bday presents
Register for college
Audition for talent show, and be confident
Be myself, and don't let any stupid bitches stop you.
Live life to the fullest
Participate more in the school, keyclub, and church
write more songs and learn to play piano
Be a good citizen b^.^d
have the bestest grades ever
still be with him
Keep my head up high
have the best fucken junior year ever

survey

You win backstage passes to meet the Jonas Brothers, you?
lmfao I would rather sell it, so I can have some bucks lol

Do you prefer pasta salad or coleslaw?
hmmm pasta

You've locked yourself outside and no-one will be home for a few hours, you?
Sit on the curb or go to friends house lol

Your favorite celebrity appears while you're having a shower, you?
Meet them in a towel. Ha.

You wake up, all your hair is gone, your first reaction?
lmfao shocked and cry

Have you ever kicked a wall, door, etc.?
yeaaa

What are you thinking about right now?
ahh didn't drive =\

do you trust people?
nope

What kind of top are you wearing?
its a sleeping pajama lol

Last thing you drank?
orange juice.

Who are all the texts from in your inbox?
bree and patrick

What are you excited about?
school and me turning 16=D

Have you ever had a bestfriend of the opposite sex?
yup

Who was the last person you went out to eat with?
uhhhhh I forgot my parents lol

Do you want your tongue pierced?
I would but it looks painful so noo

Are you listening to music right now?
Nope

Last time you texted your number one?
like hella long time

Do you tend to waste a lot of your money?
I try not tooxD

Do you find smoking unattractive?
Very. It's disgusting.

Have you ever dated someone longer then a year?
Nope.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I don't care

Did you have a good birthday this year?
who knows I hope soo

Were you happy when you woke up this morning?
Kinda.

What did you have for breakfast?
nothing

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
a lot

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
wowowowowowoww never thought of it that wayyy-.-but unless if they want to get there shit straight together

Would you ever work as a stripper if it were the only available job for you?
Nope.

Two days from now this time, where will you be?
church

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
yupp

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?
yessir

Where EXACTLY were you when you entered 2009?
my cousins house=3

What are you listening to?
nothing

Ever been cheated on?
hahaha! funny question. sadly yesss-.-

Where's the last place you went besides your house?
park and walmart lmfao

If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
To always be happy .

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
i don't kno anymore

Do you believe your ex cares about you?
who knows

Kill the spider or let it out?
KILL IT.

Are you short?
I'm short but not tooo short

Last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
the orphan with patrick

Do you understand football?
nopee

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
who knows

Are there any bruises on your body? Where?
nope

Have you ever been engaged?
Naw.I'm still youngg

What if your best friend liked your ex boyfriend/ girlfriend?
haha my lassttt exx who caress

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
Yup yup.

Whens the last time someone of the opposite sex told you they miss you?
idkk I have to say it so he can say it too. sooo probably days ago.


Do you know anyone named: John, Mike, Joe, Tim
lmfaoo I know 3

What was the last movie you watched?
the orphan and I'm not kidding or the shutter

Have you ever started a sentence with "no offense, but"?
Ha. Yes

Where do you want to move to when you're older?
Somewhere thats not super hot

In love with anybody?
yes

Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural color?
Nope.

Does anyone call you baby?
nope

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment?
uhh his car

Will tomorrow be better then today?
who knows everythings unexpected=)

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden?
Nahhh.

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Hopefully not.

Ever kissed a brown eyed and brown haired person?
Yup.

Are you a player?
NOPE.not close

Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
just dislike

Is something bothering you?
tired and not driving

disappointed

Blehh I don't know how much I'm so disappointed in you, I don't want to affect me and you. I really hate the fact that you did that, I forgive you at the same time I'm so disappointed. That I can't hang out with you if you and me are just alone. There has to be people around us, I was so close of loosing you. You don't know how much that hurt me so much that week, I'm still recovering from it. I don't want to think about this stuff anymore, I don't want to worry about it. Stop saying I have to let go right away, I wish it was easy like that. Its so damn hard to let go, k. I need to stop what I'm doing, omg! I shouldn't have done what I did. I knew it was wrong, I hate myself for that.


URGHH what did I do? huh? I know I didn't make you happy fully, I know I didn't because if I did this wouldn't have happened. So stop saying I made you happy fully, because I didn't. I know I did something wrong I know what it was, but I guarantee you this wont happen again.

one more chance

I knew you were going to come back to me, I knew you were going to eventually see.
You left me there alone, while you were trying to swept somebody else's feet.
At the same time I still tried to bring you back, even when my heart was so crushed.
I wanted to believe you were different, but now I'm asking myself what's different?

Your crying, begging on your knees and asking for forgiveness.
That's what I've been wanting, but now I'm sick of waiting.
I've been standing here, waiting to feel your touch again.
I'm not going to cry, because I don't want to waste my tear for another lie.

Chorus
I'm supposed to be happy that you want me back, I'm supposed to be anxious to hold your hands.
Right now, all I'm feeling is scared that you wont catch me again. Why does it have to be this way?
I almost trust you fully, but it disappeared. All it's left of me; is asking so many question, but was never solved. Tell me why you want one more chance, because the first time was already enough.

I almost couldn't stand up, all I wanted to be is to be in your arms.
Being in your arms wasn't safe anymore, all I could think about is that this nightmare was real.
Then that's when you helped me grow, you made me realized that I can be strong on my own.
Then you finally open your eyes that you still love me after all.
(repeat chorus)

It's so hard to trust you again, I don't think it's going to be the same.
All the mistakes and lies, we have to start a new page. Here we are again,
It's not going to be you and I for a change. It's going to be us working together
one last try.

There are many answers and ways

You know what I hate? I hate when people is going through a really sucky times, and everything around them is falling apart. They just think about a few things to make it better like; drugs,alcohol,cutting, and suicidal? I mean come on! I understand that it really sucks, but you know what those sucky things help you become stronger, and help you guide where you need to be. Stop thinking that your the only one who's in the worst situation, because everyone goes through some sucky situations. If your always sad all the time, slowly people is going to walk away. Dude there are other many different ways to change the bad to good by thinking positive? hello, confident is the key. If your always goin to be negative then people's going to start to think like that. Be yourself thats important, and just don't let anything get in your way. Last thing DON"T THINK ABOUT it too much. Balance is important because if you just have one then its not really going to do anything. Life is awesome once you think positive things and just stay away from those people who's ruining it. Find another friends, there's billions of people in this world. Soo people will find someone new everyday. lol. Everyone's not alone, everyone has somebody. I know that.

I don't mean be conceited really? because thats just showing people that your better than them, you wouldn't want to do that. Be confident but be humble lol. hehe=3 I don't if this made sense, just letting it all out.xD

Summer

ha! today was super interesting, I'm really glad I got to hang out with him. I really still do love him a lot, I would have to admit. I can't stay away from him, his too special to me and he means so much. We got to watch the orphan, I'd say that little girl is a bombdigty. lolXD shes tight lol. then we went to the park and just talk,=D it was super nice. I love talking, I think me and him really needed to see each other.^^ lol. I love him soo much. This time is going to be awesome

I need to get over you

I know what we had is real, but if your giving up because we had the biggest fight ever. Then why would I want to be with you again, I want a guy who can handle things even if its some situation like this. You lost feelings because you thought I hurted you badly, when I didn't loose feelings. You truly made me believe that you still have the same feelings before but no you were already tryin to be with somebody else. I wish you know how it feels, your not the only one who's in the worst situation right now. There are other people who is in a hella worst situation right now, but they get out of that situation. Your making me believe that you wont be able to handle this, You just can't get hurt once. Were going to get hurt a lot in our lives, its ur choice to learn and realized something from it. Well duh its freaking hard, who says its going to be easy. This what makes us human, we get hurt, we make stupid mistakes. At the end we learned and hopefully become a better person. No ones going to be good 100% except god. Theres a good and bad in everyone. I've told you everything you needed to hear, I have to accept that yes no one can help you. Until you kind of believe in urself thats when I'm going to come back to you. I promise you that, this is not middle school anymore. This is some real shit, were in. STop showing yourself that your weak, thinking about bad things is showing you your super weak. how are you going to handle when your living in your own, how are you going to do that? Learning from our mistakes and getting through a hard times help us prepare for the future. You don't understand, that. GOSHHH. If your always like this I need to get over you.

Why am I still in love with you

Why am I still in love with you? Why am I still trying to get you back? when all your thinking about is that your never good enough anymore. Then why do you still love me? you only love me because of the past, how bout now? you don't love me when I'm at my worst, I'm in love with you yes because of what we had in the past and I still love you even when your at your worst. Thats why I'm doing everything I can to make you happy again. Your not seeing that at all, you will never do because all your thinking about now is just forgetting everything. I hate the fact that you changed, I shouldn't have said you should change because you were already awesome before. Your not a bad boyfriend at all, have your own opinions too. Don't always agree with me, I knw I'm stubborn and spoiled, and I kno people would never meet my expectations. Thanks for making me realized, that as long as they try then its all good.

I would love to be with you but of you liking someone else still hurts me. It felt like I was replaced, out of all people I thought you wouldn't do that. I kno I'm not the prettiest, but looks doesn't always counts. I know try to hard I know I wrote to many songs for you, yes I do know. You kno what I don't care at least I'm not afraid to show how I truly feel about you. Even if I wrote to many poems about you, it still wont explain how much you mean to me. ISn't that what love is about you show everything you give everything you got. Isn't that what I'm doing, but all I hear from you is that I try to hard when all I want is for you to appreciate and see that someone really cares about you. Yes you would say your care but you don't. I love how you cry becuz it shows, but if you cry all the time and not doing anything. Why are you even cryin in the first place. I have cried many times because of you, but at least I tried to do something about it. I'll only be with you if your confident, because I can't go out with someone who is to negative. I want someone who's confident and knows what his going to do, tomorrow, next year or 10 years from now. Stop saying idk what your goin to do because you do know. I know your hurtt so badly, if your soo hurt do something about it. Stop sitting in ur room and stop watching tv because thats not goin to help. Your right maybe I do need a guy who will treat me better and who knows who he really is. Thank you for making me realized that.

About Me

I am who I am you don't have to believe what I put in here. Judge me, hate me but I promise that I'm the oppositte of what you think I am. I don't want to be stereotype, I mean who does? right? I love the way i am. I know I have screwed up, and made wrong choices. With those screw up and mistakes, I have learned and realize a lot of things. I'm super stubborn, I'm hard headed, I just found out that I suck at listening. I'll try to understand though, its super hard to cooperate with me. I make things complicated, I really believe that no one will ever understands us fully. I'm happy, but I have my moments, I break down, I cry, I get mad. I like to admit I'm wrong because I know I don't know everything. I hate hurting people, I'm confident not conceited. I'm honest not harsh. I try to be trustworthy but I wont lie I do have a big mouth. Don't tell me secrets, I know I'll tell. I used to have very high expectations, but now all I want know is Respect, honest, and trust. I'm single and I'm happy with that, I DO NOT HOOK UP I don't fall easy but I do fall deep. I would love to have a healthy relationship, every girl wants that. I just want a guy who's respectful,confident,sweet,trustworthy,loyal,honest,and adventurous. I really don't care about looks, I hate it when guys are TOO perverted. I have regrets. I try not to think about stuff too much, I can be mature and immature. I know when to have fun and when to be serious. I'm sensitive, but I'm sarcastic too. God is my hero. I have trust issues, once you break it. It'll be impossible to get it back.

=DD

Gosh they are such an inspiration, especially ellen kim. My cousin showed me there dance videos, and oh sheez I fell in love with it. ahh I'm going to ask my parents if I can take hip hop dance, then ballroom dance=DD. I can't waitxDD.



they are sooo clean xDD and knows how to really freakin dance O.O

My Dearest Heart

My Dearest Heart

My dearest heart, how have you been feeling?
I know your going through a hard time right now,
but I promise nothing will be aching.

Were getting closer, both of us is getting stronger.
Little by little I know its still healing, and try to forget.
I tried to forget.

My Dearest heart help me get your pain away so we wont have to suffer
Don't run, I know its going to get better soon.
Right now we just have to go through this together.

We've been pouring our feelings out, but it still hurt so bad.
I've been trying to heal you, I know its not going to end that soon.
Give me chance that will both be better, and this wont happen again I swear.

My Dearest heart it still hurts and I hate feeling this way.
I tried to pretend that It didn't bother, but I knew that it be a lie.
I can't hide that my heart is hurting inside. It's so easily noticeable,
that people starts to notice.

I know but not today, not too soon. Later on My dearest heart
I promise everything will be worth it.

Emotions

Emotions

Rose doesn't know what she feels anymore,
All she wants do right now is to be alone.
Shes afraid to open her eyes,
because it doesn't want to believe that you really left.

She knows she will be good.
But right now she just feel this empty emotions.
Rose taught she was strong, but all she could think about is to be done.

Rose doesn't want to feel this pain, it hurts so much.
It eaten all the emotions, you broke everything what she needed to feel inside.
Tears keep coming down, when she didn't want too.
She can't trust you with herself right now, Maybe she needs a time for herself.
So please don't give her any sympathy because shes doing the right thing.

I miss

I miss

I miss how you use to look at me, the one who just didn't care what I look like.
Now you can't even look at me the same anymore.
It hurts to think that we have two different lives
Now we have to start over with another empty book.

I miss how we used to sit in my stupid old couch but still had fun.
Even if we didn't have anything to do, I was still happy with you.
Now it hurts to stand right next to you, because I know it can't be undone.

I miss how we used to try to fix the fight, especially figuring out right away.
I also miss when you tried to make me believe that every thing's going to be alright
Now it's hard to even say if we're going to be o k.

I miss the way you hug me, I miss the way you wipe my tears.
I also miss when I used to be your only girl, I miss when we thought that this was going to be our year.
Now it hurts to think that we will never know.
We don't know if were going to be together or alone.

I miss when you always help me, when I thought I could trust you.
Now I don't even have a clue.
I miss when you told me I was only your girl.
Now it hurts so much that I was easily replaced.

I miss you, I always missed you.
I love you, I have always love you.
I cared for you, I have always cared.
Now I'm going to be hard to chase back.

heal this broken heart

Heal this broken heart

Now you completely crushed it, I've heard enough of all your lying words.
I've cried so many times for you hoping you'll come back.
You really fooled me thinking that you knew my standard.
I hated it when time goes by so slow, I just want to forget all this
So I can forget this broken past.

You said you were going to be with me until the end,
or did you mean you don]t want to be with me when you just can't handle it.
You've hurt me so many times, but this one is just not easy to get by.
You didn't even bother to check me if I was alright, I was the one who tried fix this stupid fight.

Chorus
Oh this is the last time you'll hurt me so bad.
No you can't do this to me again.
I know I'm going to show you that I'm happy, no more sad.
I need time to heal this broken heart, but right now
I'm still torn apart.

The last thing I want to do is not think of you, because
it'll lead me back to where I don't want to be.
Now its harder to forget this pain, but it hurts even more that our memories is no more good.
You told me, will fix this together until it gets better.

You knew how much you mean to me, but you just sat there
seeing me get more lost with myself.

You said you were going to be with me until the end,
or did you mean you don't want to be with me when you just can't handle it.
You've hurt me so many times, but this one is just not easy to get by.
You didn't even bother to check me if I was alright,
I was the one who tried to fix this stupid fight.
(repeat chorus)

You expect me to understand why you hurt me,
but I still wanted to be there by your side.
You expected me to know that it has to be like this.
But you knew I couldn't get over you.
So I'm done with your confusing self.
(repeat bridge)
(repeat chorus)