Dear you

I love you so much, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I tried to show you that you don't get to me, or I'm strong enough to be without you. I'll do anything for you, I'm so in love with you. I need you so much, my love for you is getting so strong. You're the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don't want to loose you. I can't hide anymore, I just want to hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. You're the most important person in my life. I'll do anything to keep you.

Do you sometimes feel this way? Do you sometimes tend to break down because you love the person so much. It's not a bad thing, its just happiness. You're so thankful to have that person in your life? Do you feel that you'll do anything for me?

Remember when I used to write so many poems about you? how did it make you feel? How many times did you read them? How many times did you look at them? or was it just a one time thing. Meaning; when someone gives you something special, you look and just put it somewhere else for a long time. Remember when I used to talk a lot and try to keep conversations alive? Remember when I used to tell you I love you? For some reason I can't do those things anymore, my heart has been broken way too many times, when I'm in this relationship. Sometimes I just want to leave, but at the same time I want to stay because I thought all the hard work I put through this relationship will be gone. Then I realized, I need to get over you. I need to not love you anymore, saying this or typing this breaks my heart. Nothing is improving, I'm sorry. I tried so hard to fix this relationship. I'm sorry, I can't talk to you about this. I need to let go, sometimes letting go is the best thing. I should give other guys a chance, and I just hope that the next guy will accept me for who I am, and the person will love me for me.

You were my first love, my first real kiss and my first everything. I won't ever forget you, because I was in love with you so much. I'm sorry if I didn't try hard enough

Confession

I know I've been acting weird with you lately you probably might not notice or maybe you do I'm sorry, but I'm still bitter of what you did to me. I'm still questioning myself if this was the right decision or will it screw me over again later on. So many things are holding back that its so hard for me to let my guard down. My hearts still trying to heal from everything, and I know I may not show that it bothers me. It still bothers me, but I don't want to make a big deal of it anymore. Whatever happens to both of us I'll just have to accept it whether if we don't work out. I'm not sick of you, I'm sick of us thinking that things will get better when I'm now thinking is it really going to work out? I know you say I love you a lot to me now, but I'm also questioning if you mean it. What if I'm at my worst again? will you be able to handle it again? I don't know if you just love me at my best, I honestly don't want someone to love me at just me at my best. I want someone to love me at my worst also. Someone who can actually deal with my shit. I'm not asking for too much, I never asked for too much. I just wanted us to love each other equally. I wanted you to feel lucky that you have me, and be super happy. I honestly don't know if I ever was that person. Even if you said it, I don't know if It's real. It's hard to tell who's telling the truth or lie anymore.

Fuck you!

Fuck you for throwing everything we used to have, fuck you for being the person you said you wouldn't. Fuck you of just giving up, and fucking with my fucking emotions. Fuck you for getting over our love so easily, and easily walk away and accept everything. Fuck you for not understand of what I always say. Fuck you for not giving a shit when you said you do but you really didn't. Fuck you for not showing anything anymore, and leaving me behind. Fuck you for being immature, fuck you for not seeing that you have an awesome personality but didn't fucking try to see it. Fuck you for taking advantage of everything and taking things for granted, Fuck you for texting me in a random situation and always messing with my emotions. Fuck you, that you didn't see that I was trying to be a good girlfriend and a good friend to you. Fuck you for just kicking me out of your life when I was trying to fucking help you out. Fuck you and your selfish self.

heart aches

What are you trying to do to me? Are you trying to test me? are you trying to see how far I will do anything for you? You win! ok! I'm sorry if I love you so much, I'm sorry if I'm in love with you. I'm sorry if I choose to love you, are you trying to play with my emotions? guess what?!? I'm not as strong as you think, I wish I was! I wish I can say goodbye easily. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish I didn't love you unconditionally

you know what

I don't know how else I will explain my love to you, but yes I love you unconditionally. My love for you is endless, my love for you is real, I don't call it clingy because I love talking to you. I don't get tired of talking to you, I don't love you any less because your a bitch to me. I fucking take the pain, and just deal with it because I fucking love you. I hate how you just tell me why do I still love you? or why do I still stay? It's not because we been through so much shit, because I see potential in you. I've grown to love you, because I know will get through this. It hurts me because you don't feel it as much as I do, you don't have that excitement of wanting to talk to me, you used to have it. What happen to it? I don't give a shit how many fights will go through, I'll fuckin deal with it because I love you.

Day being without you # 1

It's been hours when I just left your house. I wanted to apologize and hoping you'd accept my forgiveness. Then you just stepped on my heart so many times that it's hard to imagine being real. This agony is hard to deal with right now. It's only been hours, and I know you want me to move on. It's still ok to know if your doing ok? You have cause me so much misery, that I'm moving on with my life as you wish. I still keep wondering if your hurt too, your crying too, or regret of what you did earlier. Then it doesn't really matter to me anymore because you cross the line so many times. I'm probably going to write a long of things about you here, but if your reading this don't worry when I start to less write It means I'm slowly moving on and realize that I'm better off without you. Then as I keep writing, my feelings for you is still unlimited. Don't worry it won't be unlimited any longer because I know you'll be happy with your new life without me.

Dear heart

I've been feeling empty lately, I don't really feel that awesome feeling anymore. When your with someone and makes everything so awesome and just be happy to be with him. Now I'm always sad around him, I'm just so sad and when I used to wanting to tell him how I feel. I don't really want to anymore, because I'm afraid of being judge. I really don't want to tell him anything anymore, I'm still in love with him infinity. Loving him hurts so much now, I don't want to be sad anymore or cry anymore. I have nothing else to say to him because I said everything else, and I've tried everything else. I just wish I can move on from him, so I won't have to feel this aching heart anymore. I want to be with him, but I don't want to be with him like this. This is so unhealthy for both of us, I'm not doing this for him anymore. I'm doing this for myself, and my sake of happiness. Please don't say that I'm selfish, because ever since me and him been going out he was always first in my life and my first priority. Now I don't think I can handle it anymore.

Dear Diary

I'm still in love with you, and you still are very important to me. The thing is I really don't know if you keep your word. You change so much and I'm trying to cope with it. Sometimes I don't know if I can anymore, because I'm just afraid that when I do want to leave because of you hurting me, you won't chase me anymore. Whenever we fight I always chase you back, I don't really know if your being honest with me at all. I don't know why I'm still trying, sometimes I just wish I didn't meet you or like you. I should have just move on when you just wanted to be friends with me. You make it feel like I wasn't the best part of your life, you make it feel like that I was just some girl. I don't want to be just some girl, I want to be one of the best thing that happened to your life. I don't think I'm that girl; I really tried to be that girl, so I don't think I'll try anymore. What will you do if I really walk away and stop chasing? because I'm wishing you would want me to stay.

Dear step dad

I understand how parents should care about there children, and protect them. I believe that parents shouldn't make decisions for the children who aren't 14 years old anymore or 15. I understand how kids should obey there parents, but I hate when you think I don't do shit and don't give a shit about everyone. You know I do care about everyone, or yes I did do shit and thanks for not noticing. You guys expect to much from me that's why I also expect to much from other people. You guys want me to be perfect, You know what I'm not k? I will make mistakes, lots of them in the future. You guys just have to support me through everything I do and every decision I make. I want to experience things on my own so I'll know what to do, i don't want other people experiencing it for me. I want to live life, I want to breathe it and have fun. I know you have to follow rules, but I want to take chances because taking chances is what makes life worthy. I know I have my limitations, I know that things can happen to me, but you guys never trust me. I lie to you guys because you guys always judge me on everything I do because you don't like it. You guys don't even want me to be different, you guys want me to be like other people. I don't want to be like other people, I just want to be me!You guys don't support me, you guys always bring me down, and you always think that I'm not going to go anywhere. Really? is that what you think? do you see me give up? If you think that then, you guys don't really know me at all. you guys don't know what I'm capable of, or how strong I am as a person. The reason why I show I don't give a shit because I already tried my best but you guys never see it

Dear heart

It's getting harder each day, and this ache is getting bigger. I'm sorry for disappointing you, I'm sorry for trying so hard and thinking that everything will eventually get better. His the only person that found my weakness, and he really knows how to used it against me. No more playing games, I promise. I'm not worrying about anything anymore. Sometimes it just feels like this isn't love anymore, I'm really happy right now but there's still a hole in my chest. He hurt us so many times, why is it so hard to walk away? why is it so hard to forget? I can't really handle this anymore. He doesn't need me at all, and I think I should stop needing him also. I'd probably still think about him everyday, but he'll disappear in my memory eventually.