Confession

I know I've been acting weird with you lately you probably might not notice or maybe you do I'm sorry, but I'm still bitter of what you did to me. I'm still questioning myself if this was the right decision or will it screw me over again later on. So many things are holding back that its so hard for me to let my guard down. My hearts still trying to heal from everything, and I know I may not show that it bothers me. It still bothers me, but I don't want to make a big deal of it anymore. Whatever happens to both of us I'll just have to accept it whether if we don't work out. I'm not sick of you, I'm sick of us thinking that things will get better when I'm now thinking is it really going to work out? I know you say I love you a lot to me now, but I'm also questioning if you mean it. What if I'm at my worst again? will you be able to handle it again? I don't know if you just love me at my best, I honestly don't want someone to love me at just me at my best. I want someone to love me at my worst also. Someone who can actually deal with my shit. I'm not asking for too much, I never asked for too much. I just wanted us to love each other equally. I wanted you to feel lucky that you have me, and be super happy. I honestly don't know if I ever was that person. Even if you said it, I don't know if It's real. It's hard to tell who's telling the truth or lie anymore.

Fuck you!

Fuck you for throwing everything we used to have, fuck you for being the person you said you wouldn't. Fuck you of just giving up, and fucking with my fucking emotions. Fuck you for getting over our love so easily, and easily walk away and accept everything. Fuck you for not understand of what I always say. Fuck you for not giving a shit when you said you do but you really didn't. Fuck you for not showing anything anymore, and leaving me behind. Fuck you for being immature, fuck you for not seeing that you have an awesome personality but didn't fucking try to see it. Fuck you for taking advantage of everything and taking things for granted, Fuck you for texting me in a random situation and always messing with my emotions. Fuck you, that you didn't see that I was trying to be a good girlfriend and a good friend to you. Fuck you for just kicking me out of your life when I was trying to fucking help you out. Fuck you and your selfish self.

heart aches

What are you trying to do to me? Are you trying to test me? are you trying to see how far I will do anything for you? You win! ok! I'm sorry if I love you so much, I'm sorry if I'm in love with you. I'm sorry if I choose to love you, are you trying to play with my emotions? guess what?!? I'm not as strong as you think, I wish I was! I wish I can say goodbye easily. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish I didn't love you unconditionally

you know what

I don't know how else I will explain my love to you, but yes I love you unconditionally. My love for you is endless, my love for you is real, I don't call it clingy because I love talking to you. I don't get tired of talking to you, I don't love you any less because your a bitch to me. I fucking take the pain, and just deal with it because I fucking love you. I hate how you just tell me why do I still love you? or why do I still stay? It's not because we been through so much shit, because I see potential in you. I've grown to love you, because I know will get through this. It hurts me because you don't feel it as much as I do, you don't have that excitement of wanting to talk to me, you used to have it. What happen to it? I don't give a shit how many fights will go through, I'll fuckin deal with it because I love you.

Day being without you # 1

It's been hours when I just left your house. I wanted to apologize and hoping you'd accept my forgiveness. Then you just stepped on my heart so many times that it's hard to imagine being real. This agony is hard to deal with right now. It's only been hours, and I know you want me to move on. It's still ok to know if your doing ok? You have cause me so much misery, that I'm moving on with my life as you wish. I still keep wondering if your hurt too, your crying too, or regret of what you did earlier. Then it doesn't really matter to me anymore because you cross the line so many times. I'm probably going to write a long of things about you here, but if your reading this don't worry when I start to less write It means I'm slowly moving on and realize that I'm better off without you. Then as I keep writing, my feelings for you is still unlimited. Don't worry it won't be unlimited any longer because I know you'll be happy with your new life without me.