I can't do this

I don't know if I can go through with this..yes I have gain feelings for you, but I don't want too. I don't want to care or love someone. When I love someone its fucking strong, because I gave someone my heart and they crushed it so badly. I can't or I don't want to give my all to you. I can't....I don't want to get hurt, I know how much it hurts so fucking badly. I just can't..

Cheesy romance

You know what makes me fall in love with a guy

I want a guy who will go out of their way just to be with me. A guy who will do something different. Someone who will prove to be they want to be with me. Someone who takes me on not just a dinner, somewhere adventurous date..something that can make us get to know each other. I love cheesy romance, yes. I want a guy who will be at my door bunch of flowers just because...A guy who is willing to get to know me. I love when guys ask me question because it makes me think that they really want to get to know me.

Someone different..

I won't care

I honestly won't care if the person I like, stop caring for me. Why? because I know eventually feelings fade, its nothing but a wind that makes your whole body chill for awhile..then it goes away slowly. Nothing is ever permanent. So I have to accept it. If you want to talk away, fine. Go ahead. I have to admit, its not easy loving me. I'm stubborn as fuck, I suck at listening, I like when things go my way or I throw a fit. I get jealous easily and too clingy. I say my feelings WAYY to fucking much. I expect, yes I still do because sometimes I wish things would happen how they planned. NOO, nothing is unfair..because everyone is not on the same page. SO I don't care. I'm thinking of myself and whats important. I'm straightening my priorities. ITs FUCKED right now.

I feel like quitting

You know when a person have failed many times, they slowly want to stop trying. You know when a person try to care for someone...they slowly start to have a cold heart. You know that "smile" you see every time, but when no ones around tears bursting out from holding it in. You know that hope..thinking everything would get better. Its bullshit, things gets worst. I have to accept it. People change, things gets worst and the only thing we can do is move on.

My heart is cold..desperately need things to get better. I want to be happy, not just temporary. I don't want to be alone..I feel so alone. Its been so long now..I can't do this anymore.

how do you love

We mistaken love as lust..you don't try to get to know me. Yes, you may take me out and say you love me and come down to see me. Have you ever tried to get to know me? It's because we are having too much sex..Whenever we hang out its so repetitive..I already know whats going to happen at the end of the day. "sex" I don't want to have sex for a freaking long time honestly, its fun, but I don't want to just have sex with you. I want a fucking real relationship. Honestly, I'm not going to get attached with you or try to get close to you. I'm going to get my guard up again. I want to talk for hours, I want to have a good as communication. I want us to be able to have a day without having sex. I hate sex..

can't get away from you

Surprisingly my mind and heart are pretty much on the same page. I really don't know how to tell you this, its not that I'm scared I just don't know how to say it. I honestly don't mind if you get pissed off at me, or start to block me, or start to not wanting to talk to me anymore. Maybe I realize that your going to eventually do that and not come back. I'm really hoping you won't or if you do I hope you just change into something better. I don't think I'm in love with you, I just want to be friends with you.

I'm done

it gets easier for me to walk away when you say the wrong things and I'm super glad.

:)

This may be hard to believe, but I am actually happy without him. I may think of him from time to time, and maybe I still have feelings for him. I realize that there just feelings, and eventually they will fade. It does not mean I'm not ready to move on without him, the truth is; I am move on. Then eventually, I will slowly stop mentioning his name and I can't wait for that day to happen. :)

Surprise!

This is the only way for me to spill my heart out and without you finding out. I'm asking you to prom, this maybe weird for me since I'm a girl. Hey, I got a reason because its my prom and your in college. Even if you don't have feelings for me anymore, it's worth a shot. I want you to see me as the same girl you fell in love with. I can't promise you that everything will be great between us, I know it will be hard as hell. I'm going to make this a big surprise, and whether I get rejected or not I will still be happy. I can't contact you, I don't want to. I want to make this right this time, after high school we will be so much better. I know nothing being able to talk to you is best for us right now. It's a chance for us to fix ourselves, and whatever situation we are in. I want you to be happy because I love you, you are a great impact in my life and I know nothing will change that.

01

Dear Diary,
today was in a way a great day. I did not think of him today, or was I upset. I just held my guard up and keep going with my life, I'm hoping soon I'll completely stop thinking of him. My heart still aches, well you know its normal. I still want to cry from time to time, because I missed him so much. I loved him with all my heart and I still do, my feelings still never went down not even one bit. It sucks that he doesn't feel the same way, maybe its the best thing for me. Maybe this is the way it supposed to be, I guess I was just dreaming that maybe he could be the right guy for me. I was just living in a dream, and so I kept telling myself that we won't ever break up. Love can make you do a lot of things, but I ignore it because I know he was worth it.I wrote a letter to him today, but I don't think I should send it anymore. I won't ever see him anymore.
Was I worth to him?
Did I mean anything to him?
Did he loves me as much as I loved him?

I honestly don't know, I will never really find out.

It's time

It's time to get over you, since you are over me too.
Nothing I can do, since I want myself to be happy too.
You put me through so much shit, I don't think you know how it feels.
I don't love you anymore, it's time to let go.
I hate you so much know that you don't deserve anything good happen to you.
You take everything and everyone for granted. You just care about yourself, hopefully one day you'll realize how much crap you have done but it will be too late.
I HATE YOU SO MUCH, I DON"T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUYOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU ALSO RUINED ME. YOU ARE A LIAR, FAKE PERSON, I HATE YOU. I REALLY HATE YOU.

Confession

I'm honestly not counting the days when you start to realize I'm not right for you. By then, I'll be making my own new paths to take. Forgetting who you were, or what you become because your not going to come back. I'm going to stop expecting, and not let you in my life anymore. You are a completely different person, you did not change as a mature person. You become a jerk, asshole, and heartless person. I'm not going to get you back because I know what goes around comes around. Thanks for making me learn everything I needed to know.

can't take this anymore

I want you to know that you used to mean so much to me.
I want you to know that I used to be scared of loosing you.
I want you to know that my loved for you never ends.
I want you to know that I spilled my heart out, even if it starts to break.
I want you to know that I pray for us. I didn't want us to be like this, especially end like this.
My weakness is you, I was so in love with you. I couldn't see myself without you.
Now I need to stop.
You mean nothing to me anymore, I don't want to think about you. I don't even want to hear your name. I want to forget you, I want to forget that we ever existed. I want to walk away, and never come back. I don't want to spill my heart for you, I don't want to do anything with you anymore. This is the last time, nothing will break me again.
I'm done with you, bye forever

Dear you

I love you so much, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I tried to show you that you don't get to me, or I'm strong enough to be without you. I'll do anything for you, I'm so in love with you. I need you so much, my love for you is getting so strong. You're the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I don't want to loose you. I can't hide anymore, I just want to hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. You're the most important person in my life. I'll do anything to keep you.

Do you sometimes feel this way? Do you sometimes tend to break down because you love the person so much. It's not a bad thing, its just happiness. You're so thankful to have that person in your life? Do you feel that you'll do anything for me?

Remember when I used to write so many poems about you? how did it make you feel? How many times did you read them? How many times did you look at them? or was it just a one time thing. Meaning; when someone gives you something special, you look and just put it somewhere else for a long time. Remember when I used to talk a lot and try to keep conversations alive? Remember when I used to tell you I love you? For some reason I can't do those things anymore, my heart has been broken way too many times, when I'm in this relationship. Sometimes I just want to leave, but at the same time I want to stay because I thought all the hard work I put through this relationship will be gone. Then I realized, I need to get over you. I need to not love you anymore, saying this or typing this breaks my heart. Nothing is improving, I'm sorry. I tried so hard to fix this relationship. I'm sorry, I can't talk to you about this. I need to let go, sometimes letting go is the best thing. I should give other guys a chance, and I just hope that the next guy will accept me for who I am, and the person will love me for me.

You were my first love, my first real kiss and my first everything. I won't ever forget you, because I was in love with you so much. I'm sorry if I didn't try hard enough

Confession

I know I've been acting weird with you lately you probably might not notice or maybe you do I'm sorry, but I'm still bitter of what you did to me. I'm still questioning myself if this was the right decision or will it screw me over again later on. So many things are holding back that its so hard for me to let my guard down. My hearts still trying to heal from everything, and I know I may not show that it bothers me. It still bothers me, but I don't want to make a big deal of it anymore. Whatever happens to both of us I'll just have to accept it whether if we don't work out. I'm not sick of you, I'm sick of us thinking that things will get better when I'm now thinking is it really going to work out? I know you say I love you a lot to me now, but I'm also questioning if you mean it. What if I'm at my worst again? will you be able to handle it again? I don't know if you just love me at my best, I honestly don't want someone to love me at just me at my best. I want someone to love me at my worst also. Someone who can actually deal with my shit. I'm not asking for too much, I never asked for too much. I just wanted us to love each other equally. I wanted you to feel lucky that you have me, and be super happy. I honestly don't know if I ever was that person. Even if you said it, I don't know if It's real. It's hard to tell who's telling the truth or lie anymore.

Fuck you!

Fuck you for throwing everything we used to have, fuck you for being the person you said you wouldn't. Fuck you of just giving up, and fucking with my fucking emotions. Fuck you for getting over our love so easily, and easily walk away and accept everything. Fuck you for not understand of what I always say. Fuck you for not giving a shit when you said you do but you really didn't. Fuck you for not showing anything anymore, and leaving me behind. Fuck you for being immature, fuck you for not seeing that you have an awesome personality but didn't fucking try to see it. Fuck you for taking advantage of everything and taking things for granted, Fuck you for texting me in a random situation and always messing with my emotions. Fuck you, that you didn't see that I was trying to be a good girlfriend and a good friend to you. Fuck you for just kicking me out of your life when I was trying to fucking help you out. Fuck you and your selfish self.

heart aches

What are you trying to do to me? Are you trying to test me? are you trying to see how far I will do anything for you? You win! ok! I'm sorry if I love you so much, I'm sorry if I'm in love with you. I'm sorry if I choose to love you, are you trying to play with my emotions? guess what?!? I'm not as strong as you think, I wish I was! I wish I can say goodbye easily. I wish I was as strong as you are. I wish I didn't love you unconditionally

you know what

I don't know how else I will explain my love to you, but yes I love you unconditionally. My love for you is endless, my love for you is real, I don't call it clingy because I love talking to you. I don't get tired of talking to you, I don't love you any less because your a bitch to me. I fucking take the pain, and just deal with it because I fucking love you. I hate how you just tell me why do I still love you? or why do I still stay? It's not because we been through so much shit, because I see potential in you. I've grown to love you, because I know will get through this. It hurts me because you don't feel it as much as I do, you don't have that excitement of wanting to talk to me, you used to have it. What happen to it? I don't give a shit how many fights will go through, I'll fuckin deal with it because I love you.

Day being without you # 1

It's been hours when I just left your house. I wanted to apologize and hoping you'd accept my forgiveness. Then you just stepped on my heart so many times that it's hard to imagine being real. This agony is hard to deal with right now. It's only been hours, and I know you want me to move on. It's still ok to know if your doing ok? You have cause me so much misery, that I'm moving on with my life as you wish. I still keep wondering if your hurt too, your crying too, or regret of what you did earlier. Then it doesn't really matter to me anymore because you cross the line so many times. I'm probably going to write a long of things about you here, but if your reading this don't worry when I start to less write It means I'm slowly moving on and realize that I'm better off without you. Then as I keep writing, my feelings for you is still unlimited. Don't worry it won't be unlimited any longer because I know you'll be happy with your new life without me.